Grinds My Gears - Episode 2

You know what really grinds my gears? Facebook stati on 5 November, that's what.

5 November is, as many people recognize, Guy Fawkes Night. This night commemorates the downfall of the Gunpowder Plot in 1605. A group of Catholic conspirators (including Guy Fawkes himself) attempted to destroy the United Kingdom's legislative buildings, the Houses of Parliament, and assassinate King James I. The failure of the plot has been marked ever since by countries of the Commonwealth all around the globe on the night of 5 November by fireworks, bonfires, and traditional local celebrations with traditional rhymes and foods.

For example, in the UK, bonfires, fireworks, and flaming effigies of Guy Fawkes illuminate the night sky as celebrators dine on treacle, toffee apples, and baked potatoes. In Canada, Australia, and New Zealand, the bonfire is the preferred method of celebration. In the US colonies, it was known as Pope's Day and people burned effigies of Pope Paul V. It was celebrated until George Washington forbade his troops to celebrate it because it was a pro-British holiday.

This is where the gear grinding comes into play. I can't count the number of times that I saw Facebook stati today with the first few lines of the traditional "Remember, Remember" line followed by comments like this:

• "Favorite movie ever!"
• "I need to watch that tonight!!!!"
• "AHHHHH love V!"
• "I love that movie!!!"
• "I miss V for Vendetta"

It seems here as though people are doing this only to honor the movie and not the actual events. I've not seen one comment referencing Guy Fawkes Night, it's all about V for Vendetta. It makes me question whether or not people are actually aware of the night and its historical significance. The rhyme was not invented for the movie, nor were the events. It is a legitimate holiday, and constantly referring to the movie does it a disservice. That's like posting a status saying "Merry Christmas!" and getting comments like, "I love Miracle on 34th Street!" It just doesn't work. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what grinds my gears.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day, everyone. Here's a present, from me to you.

Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why the Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, 'twas his intent

To blow up the King and Parli'ment

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd

With a dark lantern and burning match

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!

And what should we do with him? Burn him!

PS - In the first chapter of Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone, Guy Fawkes Night is mentioned. Betcha didn't know that one.

This Day in History - October 1

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's a day late. Deal with it.


October 1 has always been a significant day for me. The Magic Kingdom, the Contemporary, and the Polynesian opened on that date in 1971, Epcot opened on that date in 1982, and Disney's Hollywood Studios was supposed to open on that date in 1988.

However, that's not the subject of this blog.

You see, on October 1, 1999, CBS aired an episode of Hollywood Squares, just like every other weekday at the time. However, this episode would go down as one for the ages.

One of the games had gone down to the wire, and there were only two squares left: Penn & Teller and Gilbert Gottfried. Luckily for Miss Circle, she had the two squares directly below Penn & Teller, and it was her turn at the board. Naturally, she chose everyone's favorite funny guys/magicians in order to attempt to seal a victory. However, she agreed when she should have disagreed, and thus Mr. X was awarded the square, giving each player four squares on the board.

In this situation, the rules of Hollywood Squares dictate that the player who wins the final square is awarded the "Five Square Win." As it so happens, Gilbert Gottfried, in the upper right corner, was this final square that both contestants desperately needed to become the day's champion.

I could describe what happened next, but why would I do that when I can show you a video of the whole thing? So with that having been said, I invite you to sit back, relax, and enjoy this classic Hollywood Squares moment, which has become known to game show fans across the country as, "You Fool!"








BONUS TRIVIA QUESTION: This episode of Hollywood Squares was shot in Studio 33 at Television City. What two other shows are currently shot in that same studio?

Game Shows Galore!

It's certainly been an exciting time for game shows. With the cancellation of CBS's long running soap opera The Guiding Light, an hour of television has opened up on the daytime schedule. Much to my delight, CBS has decided to not fill this hour with another soap opera, and instead put two half-hour game shows there. And they're not just any old game shows, either. They're both classics.

The first game show they're considering is a new revival of Pyramid. Set to be called "The $1,000,000 Pyramid," it is a near perfect remake of the classic Dick Clark era shows. Those who saw the 2002 Donny Osmond remake need not fear. They did it right this time.

The rules are exactly the same as in the old days: the contestants and their celebrity partners have 30 seconds to guess seven subjects in the six categories on the main game's pyramid. The team with the most points after all six categories (and any necessary tiebreakers) have been played goes on to the Winner's Circle, where they attempt to guess six new categories in less than 60 seconds. Word on the street is that the prize money is $25,000 if they conquer the pyramid once, and $50,000 if they do it twice in the same show. That means someone can potentially win $75,000 in a single episode, and that's before any bonuses that may occur in the main game!

Just as before, there will be periodic tournaments throughout the series. A successful climb up the pyramid in the tournaments is worth the titular $1 million. I'm very excited about this show.

The set for the pilot was incredible - it was a perfect recreation of the classic Clark era set, albeit with a "$1,000,000" sign at the top of the pyramid. They even had trilons on the pyramid during the pilot - personally, I hope those stay for the real thing. Photos of the pilot set can be found here.

And before you ask, no, there's not a host yet.

The other game show they're considering is a remake of Monty Hall's greatest achievement: Let's Make a Deal. The best way to describe this show is just pure comedy with prizes thrown in. For those unfamiliar with how the game works, I'll do a brief explanation.

The easiest way to start it off is by quoting the introduction of the show: "These people, dressed as they are, have come from across the country to make deals here in the marketplace of America - LET'S MAKE A DEAL!"

There's a key phrase in there - "dressed as they are." You see, while most game shows have contestants in business casual attire, Let's Make a Deal is completely different. The entire audience is dressed in outlandish costumes, and for good reason. The contestants are picked from the audience at the sole discretion of the host. A good costume could lead to your chance to play for some big prizes.

As far as the actual game goes, each episode is a little different. Each of the chosen contestants plays a different game in which they make deals with the host for prizes, either seen onstage or concealed behind boxes or one of three curtains, while at the same time trying to avoid ending up with a useless booby prize (formally referred to on the show as a "zonk"), such as a giant high chair, a box of packing peanuts, or even live animals. (In fact, there's a famous blooper that likes to make clip shows of an elephant who decided to relieve himself on camera right as the curtain opened. But I digress.)

At the end of the show, two of the contestants get to play in the Big Deal of the Day, in which they can trade away whatever they won during the course of the program for a shot at the day's Big Deal, containing the most expensive prizes of that episode. The catch is that there are three possible deals that they can choose, each concealed behind a big door, and only one of them is the Big Deal. It's always an exciting round.

Of course, a great part of the show's charm was in its cast. The host was Monty Hall, who had a remarkable ability to interact with the audience and read people instantly. His sidekick was his announcer and Zonk Master, Jay Stewart. And who could forget the lovely Carol Merrill, the prize model - she modeled everything from color TVs to brand new cars with extreme class, and was often the first thing people thought of when they heard the name of the show. In other words, she was the Vanna White of the 1970s.

Nowadays, the original cast is much too old to perform on this version. But that didn't stop the producers (which include Monty Hall, who actually created and produced the original program) from picking incredible new personalities to fill their roles.

The role of announcer, sidekick, and Zonk Master, formerly held by Jay Stewart, is now filled by Jonathan Mangum. You may not recognize the name, but he was involved with The Drew Carey Show and Drew Carey's Green Screen Show; he also toured with Drew Carey's Improv All-Stars. This choice of a relative unknown will make sense in just a moment.

The new model on the show (at least on the pilot) is Rachel Reynolds. I'm very excited about this choice. She's one of the models on The Price is Right, and has been my personal favorite one for a long time now. She's apparently a lot of people's favorite too, seeing that she appeared the most out of any of The Price is Right models during season 37 (she was on an incredible 161 out of 190 episodes!).

As a small personal note, Rachel attended LSU (my alma mater), where she was on the track team. Her bio (and photo from 10 years ago) is actually still on LSU's website (click here to see it).

Now for the big one. Monty Hall personally chose his successor, and he did so brilliantly. He chose a man who was very capable of audience interaction, is famous for his quick wit, has experience on multiple television and stage shows, and (what some may say is most important on a show like this) already has chemistry with his announcer and sidekick, as they've had a stage show together in Las Vegas for quite some time now.

He was also friends with Tigger at Walt Disney World during his college years.

Ladies and gentlemen, here he is, America's New Big Dealer, Wayne Brady!

I honestly cannot think of a better choice. After seeing Wayne perform on Whose Line is it Anyway, there is no doubt in my mind that he can do this. All reports that I've read from the pilot indicate that he did a wonderful job, and I can't wait to see this show in action.

The even more exciting thing is that there is the possibility of CBS airing this block of shows in the 10 a.m. EST timeslot - that's right before The Price is Right! I can't imagine a better way to start my day than with two hours of classic game shows, back to back to back. Personally, I'm hoping that either Colin Mochrie or Ryan Stiles is tapped to host Pyramid...it'd be a virtual Whose Line reunion!

But yes, those are The Guiding Light's replacement shows, according to most verifiable sources. There is always the chance that something could change at the last moment, but I think that these two choices are fantastic.

After all, other than The Price is Right, we haven't had daytime game show since Caesar's Challenge back in 1994 on NBC. I think it's time to have them on the airwaves once again.

Welcome back, my dear old friends. Welcome back.

Champions!

It has happened again.

I've waited a full nine years for it to happen, and it finally has.

It is with great pleasure that I can say that the LSU Tigers are once again the college baseball World Champions.

As soon as I saw Louis Coleman throw out the first pitch on the opening night in the new Alex Box Stadium way back on February 20, I knew that this team had something special in them. Something struck in my subconscious when Blake Dean hit the first home run in that new stadium. I had a feeling that this group of Tigers had what it takes to be Number One.

And I knew it wouldn't be easy. There were plenty of moments that were not too pleasant for me as a Tiger fan. Remember the ULL game? The Tennessee series? The Vandy game in the opening round of the SEC Tournament?

But I knew. I knew that this team had it in them, had the desire to go all the way, had the heart to play their hardest. And it got them the ultimate prize: a National Championship.

Before tonight's game, I listened to some great words by the coach of this (to paraphrase another LSU National Championship coach) damn strong baseball team, Paul Mainieri. He stated that all he asked was that the team play their best. If they did that, he said, no one would ever have any regrets.

Those words struck me. And during the bottom of the 9th tonight, as I watched Louis Coleman throw out the final pitch, just as he had thrown out the first pitch more than four months before, I realized how truly lucky we were.

There are 64 different teams that make it to the NCAA Tournament. Of those 64 teams, 63 of them will have their season end with a loss. We were the one team that kept on winning, that refused to lose, that ended the season on the highest high imaginable.

It also made me realize how lucky I was to be a Tiger. In the three major sports (football, basketball, and baseball), LSU has a combined nine national championships: three in football, six in baseball. Only one of these titles - 1958 Football - happened before I was born. I was able to witness eight different Tiger teams win national championships.

But here's the more incredible fact: LSU has only played for a national championship in these sports nine times. The Tigers are completely undefeated when the big one is on the line. I have never had to experience the thrill of making it to a title game, followed by the agony of seeing it vanish before my eyes. I cannot imagine how that would feel, and hopefully I never will. And, according to history, I won't ever have to worry about that.

All I can think of right now is just how proud and thankful I am to be an LSU Tiger. There are not many schools who can say they've won six national championships in one sport in less than 20 years, and I'm very fortunate to be attending one of them. To paraphrase Colby Donaldson, when I wake up in the morning there are two things I'm thankful for: I'm thankful I'm alive, and I'm thankful I'm a Tiger.

There are really only two ways to close this blog, and I can't decide which one to use, so I've decided to use both. These closing quotes are familiar to Tiger fans worldwide, and perfectly convey the spirit of tonight:

"Give it all your might as you fight tonight, and keep the goal in view: victory for LSU!"

"May thy spirit live in us ... forever LSU!"

It's a great night to be a Tiger fan. Geaux out and celebrate this accomplishment.

GEAUX TIGERS!

PS - Only 73 days until kickoff in Seattle....

WDW Update: June 2009

Well, my friends, I have returned from ten wonderful days in Walt Disney World. As anyone who's been to WDW will know, the place is constantly evolving and changing. This trip was no exception. Here are a few minor updates on the goings on at WDW.


GENERAL: The crowds were about normal for this time of year. Heavy, but nothing to be afraid of if you know what you're doing. The weather, on the other hand, was horrible. It was hotter and more humid than I ever remember it being down there. Additionally, it only rained twice when I was at the World (right around 3:00, just as they always are - good to see some things never change!). Luckily, there are ways of avoiding the heat.


MAGIC KINGDOM: The middle entrance to the Emporium is still open, but the construction walls and scrims indicate that they're doing some touch-up work.

There were scrims and walls abounding in Liberty Square, too, at both the Hall of Presidents and Ye Olde Christmas Shoppe. The Hall of Presidents walls were actually removed on the last day of my trip, and there's a big blue cover over where the attraction will get its first ever marquee.

Incidentally, I've just found out that the new attraction will be voiced by the great Morgan Freeman, and I'm pumped up. His voice is amazing!

The front of "it's a small world" was also walled up, with a small gap under the main tent for riders to enter. It's encouraging to see all these walls up in MK - they may actually be planning something big for the 40th!


EPCOT: Spaceship Earth's descent is still in need of fixing. I'm sorry, but an episode of The Jetsons with your face superimposed on the characters just doesn't work at all as a finale for this ride.

The Innoventions West breezeway is currently being stripped of the 1980s slick brown tiles in favor of a green swirling concrete walkway. I can only assume that they'll also do this in the Innoventions East breezeway.

Over at Imagination, they've opened up the passageway between the queue and the Imageworks. And some of you may remember what's in that passageway:




That's right, it's the caged off escalator from the old upstairs Imageworks that took you down to the Magic Eye Theater! I was shocked that this area was open to Guests, but who knows? It could be a way of generating excitement that the second floor will once again be open!

I finally got the chance to experience the new Kim Possible World Showcase Adventure, and I have to say that the Imagineers did an incredible job designing this attraction. It blends in seamlessly with the theming of the WS pavilions, and draws Guests deeper into the countries than they probably have ever gone before. Also, they're very fun to play (especially the UK mission)!


DISNEY'S HOLLYWOOD STUDIOS: Nothing too major going on here, now that Idol is open. Walls are still up in Pixar Place where the Luxo AA will be. No work yet either on Sounsdtage 1.

The only slightly different thing that I experienced was my final ride on the Great Movie Ride. I was in the Western cars, so I was fully expecting my guide to be replaced by a rogue bank robber. Not so. Sure, the bank robbery happened, but there was no fire and the guide returned to the vehicle. Even stranger was the scene where the bank robber attempts to steal the priceless jewel and the guide makes a triumphant return. Instead of the normal turn of events, the guide went up the left hand set of stairs, set off the recording, and everything went as normal except no skeleton appeared after the smoke.

I have no idea why the bank robber was scrubbed from this particular ride - anyone out there know the reason?

Other than that, the Studios were operating as normal. Well, as normal as you can be with Fantasmic! only showing for three days out of the week.


DISNEY'S ANIMAL KINGDOM: I noticed nothing out of the ordinary here, except that they uncovered one of the It's Tough to be a Bug! Fastpass machines for the exclusive use of the Birthday Fastpass Cards. Why anyone would choose to utilize their birthdat Fastpass on this particular attraction, where the wait is always 10 minutes or less, is beyond me.

On a side note, Dinosaur went 101 while I was on it, and I got to experience it briefly with the lights on. No, I didn't get to walk the track, and no, I didn't get a No Strings Attatched pass.


Those are the major updates to the theme parks. I'll post some more details of the trip later. For now, I have to prepare for what is sure to be another heart-attack inducing baseball game tonight.

See ya real soon, and GEAUX TIGERS!

Walt Disney World: Overlooked Treasures and Stories (Volume II)

Hello again, my fellow Disney fans. It's been a while.

When I last left you, we had just traveled up Main Street, USA. I certainly hope that you enjoyed that little tour. Now, we're off to go explore the wilds of Adventureland.

Adventureland is divided into two areas: the Arabian bazaar on the Main Street side and Caribbean Plaza on the Frontierland side. The land is themed as a whole not to one specific time or place, but is rather designed to capture the spirit of adventure. As a result, the Imagineers went out of their way to sculpt the landscape with a wide variety of lush vegetation, similar to what one would find in the wilderness. One Imagineer in particular, Bill Evans, was well-known throughout WDI for his knack to think of the perfect plant for any given spot. As a result, he was given his own special tribute on one of the Jungle Cruise's Fastpass machines.

This address label on a Jungle Cruise Fastpass machine is a tribute to Bill Evans. It also has some additional coded information on it - can anyone figure out what else this refers to?

While we're on the subject of the Jungle Cruise, now would probably be a good time to mention a quite interesting story that shows how WDI solves problems that was told to me by one of the Imagineers. Every so often, Audio-Animatronic figures need to be removed from attractions in something called the "cycle out" process, during which time the innards of the figures are restored and repaired. A recent example of this is the Chief Nami figure at the end of the Jungle Cruise, who went MIA for a few months in the summer of 2008. Since it didn't have that much of an impact on the attraction, there was no effort to replace him for those few months.

However, not all cycle outs are this easy. For example, a few years ago it became necessary to restore the rhino from the "Survival of the Fastest/Hole in Juan/Poke Ahontas" scene. Well this caused a slight problem: without the rhino there, the scene makes absolutely no sense. So after thinking long and hard about what to do, the Imagineers came up with a solution. They carved a rhino out of heavy-duty styrofoam to place in the scene while the AA was on cycle out. Additionally, they even spring-loaded the head so that it could put a hole in Juan or poke Ahontas (whichever joke you prefer).

Let's move away from the Jungle Cruise now and on to the Swiss Family Treehouse. Firstly, the Swiss flag over the treehouse is the only foreign flag to permanently fly above a Disney attraction. Quite interesting, huh? Secondly, the design of the tree was based off the tropical banyan tree, which actually has vertical roots that drop down from its outer branches to support the weight of the tree. WDI used this feature to their advantage, hiding the steel structural supports in these roots. Technically, the tree is classified as a "Disneyodendron eximus," a genus and species name that means "out-of-the-ordinary Disney tree." It is the only tree of this species in the world; the treehouses in the other Disney parks are of different species. After all, isn't it highly unlikely that trees of the same species would live in different environments throughout the world?

The vertical roots of the tree hide the steel supports in a natural way.

Adventureland also shows how the Imagineers never let anything go to waste. Around the Magic Carpets of Aladdin, you may notice that there are broken pieces of tile embedded into the pavement, giving the walkway the look of much-trodden on market dirt. The tiles are actually taken from a small building that had to be demolished to make room for the carpets - talk about recycling!

The Imagineers never let a good idea go to waste either. When Adventureland first opened with the Magic Kingdom in 1971, the group of wooden tikis that were by the Jungle Cruise were simply for area theming designed by the master of the sight gag, Marc Davis. After a few decades, the original wooden sculptures began to deteriorate and a need grew to replace them. WDI did just that, but they took it a step further and "plussed it," as they say. They reconstructed the tikis out of fiberglass, and added one of their favorite elements to the mix: water. Now, the Marc Davis Tikis are just as good as they were on opening day, plus they give park guests a chance to cool off on hot summer days.

And of course, no journey through Adventureland is complete without riding one of the greatest attractions to ever come out of WDI: Pirates of the Caribbean. The journey begins when you see the grand Castillo del Morro in Caribbean Plaza at the far end of Adventureland. The queue winds its way through this mysterious fort, passing by the famous scene of two skeletons sitting at a chessboard in a jail cell. Most people recognize it as a gag, but they don't realize just how morbid the gag is. In fact, this is one of the two most morbid jokes in all of WDW. Here's why...

Take a very careful look at the pieces on the board. Chess players will know that there is only one possible move. That one move can only lead to a string of moves that will end up with the pieces in the exact same spot as they were originally, thus making the game a perpetual stalemate. The two prisoners were so bored with themselves that they continued to play this stalemate out for ages and ages, eventually dying at the board. Their skeletons remain there to this day.

Like I said, it's a pretty morbid joke.

The never-ending game of chess in the Pirates of the Caribbean queue is rather morbid, contrary to what most park guests think.

Incidentally, the chess pieces got moved around accidentally during one of the refurbishments. When the Imagineers went to put it back, they realized that none of them remembered the arrangement to make the gag work. They checked all of Marc Davis's concept drawings for this scene and found nothing - until one Imagineer flipped one of the drawings over. Marc Davis had drawn a precise diagram of the board on the back of one of his concepts, and the scene was saved!

Pirates is also allegedly home to a ghost. Here's the story behind this one: While Pirates was being constructed, one of the workers (named George) mysteriously vanished. His ghost is said to haunt the attraction building. Every morning, the first Cast Member to arrive at Pirates must say, "Good morning, George," and the last Cast Member to leave Pirates must say "Good night, George." Legend has it that if this is not done, George will not let the attraction run properly for the day. Is it true? You'll have to figure that one out for yourself...

One more quick fact about Pirates of the Caribbean: I've mentioned the name Marc Davis quite frequently throughout our Adventureland tour. Marc Davis is responsible for the sight gags in many of the classic attractions (including two Adventureland ones, Jungle Cruise and Pirates of the Caribbean). As a result, he gets a hidden tribute in Pirates. If you look at the coat of arms above the Treasure Room (where you see a singing Jack Sparrow) in the attraction's finale, you'll notice that the family name is none other than Marco Daviso.

Well that just about wraps up our stroll through Adventureland, a land that is full of mystery, stories, legends, and secrets. I have shared some of these with you, and there are indeed many more that lurk in these parts - so many, in fact, that I'm sure that I don't know even half of them! Again, my deepest hope is that you not only had fun reading this, but that you learned something in the process.

I'll be seeing you soon. I'm off to Frontierland, I hear that those miners over at Big Thunder Mountain have finally struck gold....

Walt Disney World: Overlooked Treasures and Stories (Volume I - Main Street, USA)

A thought struck me today: I know a lot about Walt Disney World.

Another thought struck me today: What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t share this knowledge with you? I mean, most of these facts are quite interesting. So I now proudly present to you the first in a series of blogs about the hidden treasures and stories of WDW. I thought a good place to start would be in the Magic Kingdom (MK), and there’s no better place in MK to start than Main Street, USA, “gateway to the seven themed lands of the Magic Kingdom.”

A small note: I’ll be using some common Disney abbreviations. You’ll get used to them, I promise.

The first structure that you notice when arriving on Main Street is the train station. There are several points of interest about Main Street Station. Most notably, it serves as a departure point for the WDW Railroad, which guests may board at the platform on the second floor. The first floor of the station formerly housed the MK’s locker rental, but now rents out strollers and wheelchairs. There’s also an Arrival and Departure board, full of references to Disney ventures. Can anyone name any of them?

This schedule board is located in Main Street Station.

Main Street Station is also one of two buildings on MSUSA to be built at full scale. There are two reasons for this: firstly, since Guests have direct access to the upper floors, it was necessary to build it at full scale. And I’m thankful they did – could you imagine walking around a building that’s only 5/8 the size it should be?

The second reason is much more interesting. The size of the train station serves to block out the view of Cinderella Castle at the far end of Main Street. The Imagineers did this on purpose. You see, Imagineering has its roots in the movie business, and there is a big movie theme throughout Main Street. But I’ll talk about that later….

As I said, the train station one of two buildings on Main Street to be full size. The other is right next to the train station in Town Square: Main Street Exposition Hall. If this building were constructed using forced perspective (like the other MSUSA buildings), the Contemporary would be fully visible from Town Square and the show would be completely ruined. To prevent this from happening, the Imagineers built Exposition Hall at full scale to screen the Contemporary.

The windows on Main Street are also very significant. The names on the windows are all those of important people who played a major part in WDW history. The business names are made up to suit the hobbies or occupations of those honored. For example, Seven Summits Expeditions is run by a man named Frank Wells. In real life, Frank Wells was a former Disney executive who happened to enjoy mountain climbing. Another favorite of mine is one in honor of Joyce Carlson that reads “Dolls by Miss Joyce, Dollmaker for the World: New York, California, Florida, Tokyo,& Paris.” Does anyone know what this window means?

Joyce Carlson's Main Street window. Can anyone guess what she did and what these locations mean?

Each end of Main Street is anchored by a statue sculpted by Disney Legend Blaine Gibson. The more famous of the two is the Partners statue in the Hub, depicting Walt Disney and his most famous creation and best friend, Mickey Mouse. The other is located in Town Square and depicts Walt’s brother and business partner, Roy Disney sitting hand in hand with Minnie Mouse. These two statues are very indicative of both Disney brothers. Walt, the visionary, is taking a prominent position, pointing the way to the future, while the moneymaker Roy is sitting down in a more behind-the scenes role, just the way it was in through the mid 60s.

You may also notice that Main Street is on an incline. This also is done for two reasons. Firstly, the Magic Kingdom is 14 feet above sea level in order to provide room for the Utilidors (service tunnels beneath MK) at ground level. The Main Street incline serves part of this purpose. The other reason is more practical: going into the park, when you’re full of energy and excitement, you’re walking uphill. Leaving the park, when you’re tired and drained, your trek back is made easier when you walk downhill towards the exit. Clever, isn’t it?

As I mentioned earlier, Main Street is tied together by the movie theme. That’s really not a surprise, as you’ll find show business references throughout everything Disney: Cast Members wearing costumes playing roles, onstage, backstage, the whole drift. But Main Street is the perfect example of the Imagineers putting you, the Guest, right into the middle of a traditional movie without you knowing. It’s really pretty cool how it’s done.

It all starts when you arrive at the Transportation and Ticket Center. You can just see the very top of Cinderella Castle, and you get the little pang of excitement, just like seeing a movie poster outside the theater.

You then board the monorail, and as the castle grows closer and closer, you see more and more of it without seeing the whole thing. Consider this the movie trailer.

You finally arrive at the Magic Kingdom. You may notice that the pavement outside the gates and on the sidewalks of Main Street is red, just as movie premieres lay out the red carpet. In order to enter the park, you must go through one of the two entrance tunnels. The view before you begins to darken, just like a movie theater before the show begins. Then all of a sudden, you begin to be slowly immersed in the world of Main Street, just as a movie would fade into view.

Because of the way Town Square is built, the castle is still screened from view. You have to walk through the square, thus becoming more immersed in the story, before you round that final corner and see the magnificent view of Cinderella Castle, the movie’s title card.

But before the movie can really get started, there must be the credits, stating the names of the people who worked on the movie. And before you can start your day of fun in the Magic Kingdom, the windows above Main Street proudly display the names of some of the most influential people in WDW’s history. There are two windows for Walt Disney: one is on the train station, and the other is above the Plaza Ice Cream Parlor at the far end of the street. Thus, Walt’s name is both the first and last name you see, just as the director’s name is listed both first and last in the movie credits. These very same windows perform the exact same function at the end of the day in the form of the closing credits. Pretty cool, huh?

These are just a few of the interesting facts about Main Street, USA. Main Street is a land that is full of theming, inside jokes, tributes, and fun. I sincerely hope that you’ve not only learned something reading this, but have had a little fun while doing so.

I’ll be seeing you soon. I’m off to go meet Chief Nami in Adventureland. He said something about a two-for-one special….

Grinds My Gears - Episode 1

You know what really Grinds My Gears?

When the cantor at Mass decides to change the Responsorial Psalm because the one that was selected for that given weekend isn't a complex song.

I mean, let's think about this. The Psalm is a very important part of Mass. The Vatican spent a long time selecting each and every Psalm so that it fits in with the theme of that week's readings; it is not merely an arbitrary choice. Yet the cantors seem to change it every week to one that shows off their vocal talents. They completely override the Church so that they can sing something and have the congregation go, "Oh wow, she can sing wonderfully."

The problem with this is that Mass is not a concert. I go to Mass to praise the Lord, not to listen to someone sing. When the same Psalm is sung over and over and over again simply because the cantor wants to show off, it makes me want to scream.

I don't know why my pastor hasn't addressed this with our musical department. I wonder if he would feel the same way if the Deacon opted to read a different Gospel reading than the one prescribed for the weekend. After all, one reading has already been sacrificed.

Don't get me wrong. Music has it's rightful place in the liturgy. I think that too much emphasis is being placed on it these days, though. And we're not helping by letting the music minister overrule the Vatican.

This has been "Grinds My Gears," I'm Peter Griffin...er, Taylor Martina. And now, I leave you with this Irish saying: "May you get to heaven a half an hour before the devil knows you're there."

Everybody sleep well and have fun!

In Honor of Today's Calculus AP Exam...

...I now present my annual tradition, "Impure Mathematics." Enjoy!


IMPURE MATHEMATICS

Once upon a time (1/T), pretty little Polly Nomial was strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary of a singularly large matrix.

Now Polly was convergent, and her mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however, who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex elements.

Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides. Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor. Quite suddenly, two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of directrix, and went completely divergent. As she reached a turning point, she tripped over a square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more, she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean space.

She was being watched, however. That smooth operator, Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face. He wondered, was she still convergent? He decided to integrate improperly at once.

Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated. She could see at once by his degenerate conic and his dissipative terms that he was bent on no good.

“Arcsinh!” she gasped.

“Ho, ho,” he said. “What a symmetric little asymptote you have. I can see that your angles have lots of secs.”

“Oh, sir,” she protested, “keep away from me. I haven’t got my brackets on.”

“Calm yourself, my dear,” said our suave operator. “Your fears are purely imaginary.”

“I…I…” she thought. “Perhaps he’s not normal, but homologous.”

“What order are you?” the brute demanded.

“Seventeen,” replied Polly.

Curly leered. “I suppose you’ve never been operated on?”

“Of course not,” Polly replied quite properly, “I’m absolutely convergent.”

“Come, come,” said Curly. “Let’s go off to a decimal place I know and I’ll take you to the limit.”

“Never!” gasped Polly.

“Abscissal!” he swore, using the oath that he knew. His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities. He stared at her significant places and began smoothing her points of inflection. Poor Polly! The algorithmic method was now her only hope. She felt his hand tending to her asymptotic limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.

There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator. Curly’s radius squared itself; Polly’s loci quivered. He integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After he cofactor, he performed Rungo-Kutta on her. The complex beast even went all the way around and did a contour integration. Curly went on operating until he satisfied her hypotheses, then he exponentiated and became completely orthogonal.

When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that she was no longer piece-wise continuous but had been truncated in several places. But it was too late to differentiate now. As the months went by, Polly’s denominator increased monotonically. Finally she went to L’Hospital and generated a small but pathological function which left surds all over the place and drove Polly to deviation.

The moral of our sad story is this: “If you want to keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single degree of freedom.”

by Auntie Derivative

In Honor of Finals Week

In honor of Finals Week, I would like to present one of the best essays that I have ever read. Enjoy!

Crastination: A Job Left to the Pros

There's a fine line between "professional" and "amateur," especially when someone loves what he or she is doing. One thing's for sure, though -- we Imagineers are all pros.

And there's one area where that's truer than ever -- the subject of "crastination." Boy, are we pros at that. You'd be hard-pressed to find more pro crastinators that we have at Imagineering. We are world-class, indeed.

There's an unpopular saying that goes, "The best work is that which is done at the last minute." Unpopular, that is, among bosses, teachers, and parents. While that saying may fly in the face of everything we were taught since we were kids, there are those who just happen to believe it's true.

How so? Well, let's look at another tried-but-true aphorism: "Success is ninety-nine percent perspiration and one percent inspiration." Very true, of course, but here's what they don't want you to realize: Inspiration is ninety-nine percent desperation. As in, "My report is due tomorrow, and I haven't started it yet."

Crastination, when properly performed by a pro, is nothing to be ashamed of. You see, the mind is like an engine that spends most of its day in "idle," coasting along as you go about your normal daily routine. Face it, most of our jobs, schools, and daily tasks don't really tax our brains all that much.

Do you really think you're going to sit down and write a brilliant report with your mind's engine in its normal semi-stalled state? No, if you really want to be a pro, if you're hoping to downshift the gears and kick the accelerator, your mind needs some sort of serious stimulus. And what better stimulus than the high-grade panic of true desperation? Ah, desperation -- rocket fuel for a sedentary mind!

Now, you might think that waiting until the last minute is a very risky approach. What if inspiration doesn't strike? Well, believe me, not taking the last-minute approach has some dangerous pitfalls of its own. For examples, ideas that come along too soon, when there's still plenty of time before the deadline, are at risk of being overthought. We all know that overthinking is one of the great bugaboos of creativity. Overthink can ruin any idea, especially a good one. But if the idea isn't discovered until moments before the deadline, there's no time to overthink it. The idea is safe.

Coming up with an idea way ahead of the deadline also carries with it the risk of making your job look to easy. If you've finished the school assignment or work report way too early, you obviously didn't take it seriously ... you didn't try very hard ... or your teacher or boss isn't giving you enough to do. Coming up with a brilliant idea at the very last minute -- rocket fueled by that overwhelming sense of desperation -- can make you look like a true miracle worker.

In contrast, there are definite pluses in waiting until desperation strikes. For example, think of all the other stuff you can get done while you're crastinating, like finishing up your previous assignment, which has now reached its last minute state!

Now I'm not recommending that we put aside our work and spend our days doing things that are definitely more interesting and appealing than the unavoidable assignment. We don't want everyone going back to work or school, saying the Imagineers said it was okay to leave it all to the last minute.

After all, crastination is a job best left to the pros. Especially the ones with their tongues planted firmly in their cheeks.

-Bruce Gordon, Imagineer and Professional Crastinator

Millionaire My Way

It was just announced that the popular game show "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" will be returning for an 11-night primetime run on ABC this August. This is overwhelmingly good news (especially since Regis will be hosting again), but one small thing worries me. They say it will combine the old version of the show with the new, syndicated version. Here's my list of what I hope they go with.

1) Get rid of the clock. This is primetime, I want to see people agonize over the questions instead of rushing and making rash decisions.

2) Keep the current graphics. They're pretty sharp, and have that classic Millionaire feel even though they have a new look. Have a gander here and (in video) here.

3) Bring back 50:50. I know why they got rid of it (because they wanted to introduce the Double Dip), but people know and are familiar with the 50:50. Additionally, it is the only Lifeline ever that was guaranteed to give useful information. All the others are either asking others for their opinions (which could very well be wrong) or taking multiple stabs at the question with a drawback attached. I miss the 50:50, and I want it back on the primetime show.

4) Keep the new Category Menu. We haven't seen much strategic use of it yet in the syndicated version, but I think that's largely thanks to the clock. If (like I hope) the contestants are free from the strains of the clock, then we may see someone decide to gamble on a question because they know the next question will be about an area that they are comfortable with.

5) Bring back the Fastest Finger question. This was always an exciting part of the show (even if I suck at it), and really gave the viewer confidence that the contestant earned his or her spot in the Hot Seat.

6) Lifelines...oh, the Lifelines. In a perfect world, there would only be the original three Lifelines. However, I'd be fine if they brought in either Ask the Expert, Three Wise Men, or Switch the Question as a fourth Lifeline. No Double Dip, please. I've never actually been a fan of that Lifeline since it forces you to answer the question, and if it's in play at the same time as the 50:50, you can use it to force a correct answer. I'd rather have the contestants answer the questions on their own and not use the 50:50-Double Dip combo.

7) Bring back the original money tree, or use an inflated money tree. I'm sorry, but $25,000 is not going to cut it as the second milestone in primetime. Someone posted a potential money tree on Wikipedia, and this one doesn't look too bad. The only flaw here is that if you miss the $1 million question, you lose EVERYTHING. Just make it $175,000 like the $750,000 question and you're in business.

8) Keep the current music, but only if the current graphics are there. They just go together better, I think.

9) Allow me to be a contestant on the show.

So that's my formula for Millionaire success this August. I know I'll be watching on August 9. Will you?

As for now, I will leave you with one of the funniest quotes I have ever heard, from British comic Mark Steel:
"I love the 'Thought for the Day' that comes on the radio in the mornings at Christmas season. 'Cause they all do whatever's on that day's news, then just crowbar Jesus in somehow. So they have some vicar saying something: 'As the continuing row about A-level testing seems to ramble on and on and on, isn't that a little bit like Jesus? But although Jesus didn't have to do A-levels, he certainly did have to do tests. When he went into the wilderness, wasn't that God's way of saying, "You may turn over your papers and begin now"?'"

Everybody sleep well and have fun!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game...

It's no secret that I'm a big fan of baseball. It should then come as no surprise to anyone that I want to make what's known as the Pilgrimage.

I can hear all the non-fans out there asking what this Pilgrimage is. Well, in short, there are 30 teams in the MLB, and each team has its own home stadium. The Pilgrimage is a journey to each and every MLB baseball stadium in the league.

This journey is particularly difficult for me, since there is no MLB team in the entire state of Louisiana. Nevertheless, I have seen games at four MLB parks and have been to two others.

My very first MLB game was in 1999 at the Houston Astrodome. I honestly don't remember much from the game, but I do remember that I didn't like the roof on the stadium. That's something that continues today. Baseball shouldn't be played inside unless it absolutely has to. Thankfully, the Astros corrected this error when they built their new field, currently under the moniker Minute Maid Park. I haven't been there yet, but I look forward to seeing the Astros play there eventually.

The next game I went to was in 2003, in Atlanta. And let me say right now that Turner Field is incredible. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that the stadium was once part of Centennial Olympic Stadium, but I absolutely fell in love with the ballpark. The field dimensions make it a hitter-friendly park, which is always exciting. The backdrop of the Atlanta skyline (including a giant Coke bottle and the 1996 Olympic Cauldron) is excellent. And the fact the Braves are relatively good doesn't hurt the situation. It's on my list of stadiums to return to, if for no other reason to see the awesome video board that was added in 2005.

Three years after my Braves experience, in 2006, I got to visit one of the most storied ballparks in the history of baseball: Wrigley Field in Chicago. Oh man, that stadium is quite something. From the giant manual scoreboard keeping track of all games that day to "White Flag Time," this field has it all. One of the most unique features is the rooftops of apartment buildings around the stadium where fans gather to watch the games. That experience is definitely something I want to do. Additionally, one of the major traditions of baseball was started in this stadium: the singing of "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" during the 7th Inning Stretch. You can credit Harry Caray with that one.

Also in 2006 I passed by the new Busch Stadium in St. Louis. I can't really offer much commentary on games here since I haven't actually been to one, but the stadium does look impressive, and there is an incredible view of the Gateway Arch behind center field. One day I will see a Cardinals game there.

A similar situation occured in 2007, when I got to briefly see AT&T Park, home of the San Fancisco Giants. It killed me to not go in, because I particularly wanted to see the San Francisco Bay out behind right field (and maybe see a splash ball). Alas, I will have to return on another day, it seems.

My most recent MLB game was actually just about three weeks ago. Yes, it was a preseason game, but I'm counting it. And even though I hate the Yankees, I must say that the new Yankee Stadium is one of the finest stadiums in the world. The concourses are spacious, the scoreboards are a healthy mix of modern and classic, and the field dimensions are exactly the same as the old field, even facing the same direction. You could just feel the excitement in the air among the Yankee fans at finally getting a new stadium (something I can sympathize with, as the LSU baseball team just got a brand new stadium of their own). The architects and construction crews did a remarkable job on this stadium, the most expensive one in the world (would you expect anything else from the Yankees though?)

Now if only that construction worker who hid the Sox jersey under the dugout would have kept his damn mouth shut for about six months longer....

So that's my MLB history in a nutshell. One day I will make it to all 30 stadiums. I'll be putting out pieces later on which stadiums I want to visit most and why (hint: the number one stadium on my list rhymes with "hen stay"), so be sure to stay tuned for that. And for you non-baseball fans, I promise I'll post other stuff too.

For now, I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes from a great baseball player (even if he was a Yankee), Yogi Berra: "You should always go to other people's funerals. Otherwise, they won't go to yours."

Everybody sleep well and have fun!

The First Post - Welcome Aboard! Or Ashore...Wherever You Are!

Five points if anyone can name where the titular quote came from, firstly.

Secondly, welcome to my blog. I'll try to update this as regularly as I can, and I'll always try to share some cool bit of information with you, whether it be breaking news, an interesting fact, or my own personal thoughts on anything and everything.

My main thought for today has to do with my podcast, The Whenever Show. I'm currently in the process of re-gaining Episodes 6-10 (since I had an external hard drive snafu), and we (that is to say, Ed and myself) are thinking about re-structuring the episodes a bit.

We think we're going to put out two editions of each episode - the normal episodes that you're used to listening to and a shorter, condensed, censored version of the show. The normal version would take on the name "The Whenever Show XL" and the shorter version would just be called "The Whenever Show."

Does anyone have any thoughts on that? Please feel free to let me know.

For now, I will leave you with one final thought from our dear friend, Jack Handy: "Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff."

Everyone sleep well and have fun!